Everybody fantasizes. It’s a known fact. Scientifically proven, even. Both men and women fantasize and it is a normal part of human sexuality. There have been myriad studies on this topic throughout the ages and we are quite certain fantasizing in every aspect of human life is normal and to some degree is necessary. The problems arise when it becomes obsessive or unusual. It is also a little less than normal if the fantasies are of the unhealthy variety and featuring someone who would not appreciate it. How the fantasies are used is another way that it might not be healthy to fantasize. The simplest way to explain this is to say that since humans can find more than one person physically attractive, why would our thoughts and dreams be any different? When people think about fantasizing, it is often accompanied with feelings of guilt. This is needless however, as fantasies are healthy and normal.

A 2001 study from the Journal of Sex Research showed that during a two month time period both men and women in serious relationships fantasized about someone other than his/her mate. More specifically, 349 women and men ages 18 to 70 were polled to find 98% of men and 80% of women had fantasized. We know it’s normal. We know everyone does it. When isn’t it normal? When is it too much? Those are the questions to answer when problems start to arise from fantasies. Sexual fantasies have a time and a place. They even leak into the normal day for a few seconds here and there occasionally but for the most part it is something that happens in the throes of passion with the object of your desire. If you find your new girlfriend is fantasizing more often than normal it may be a sign of mental instability. Being a super sexual person is not the same. Sex between two people includes just those two people. When her fantasies become something palpable in the room and the sex seems to be more about the fantasy than the sex, there could be a serious problem developing. This goes for other parts of your lives too. Has her fantasies leaked into other areas of life? At times a woman will be turned on my domination or a particular kink and the persona she takes on during sex begins to leak into her personal life. Her hairstyle or style of dress may change. Her taste in music or movies may broaden and interests take a turn.
 

 
Fantasizing is especially normal in longer relationships. The amount and frequency of fantasizing in long term relationships depends largely on the dynamics of the couple themselves. Fantasies help a couple keep sex between them exciting long after the initial spark has gone out. Every relationship simmers down sexually after a few years. Regardless how in love and committed a couple is to each other, human beings become complacent with one another and sex often suffers for it. Fantasizing about coworkers, strangers, ex’s, celebrities, friends and acquaintances, even when you know it would never happen, keeps the mind and body aroused. Depending upon how sexually active a couple is after they have been together for many years will tell how dependent they are on fantasies. Anything that becomes routine and mundane deadens the heart and emotions. It’s much the same with every wonderful thing in life. If you adore mashed potatoes, you will hate them after eating them every day for three, four, five or more years consecutively.

If you’re worried she is fantasizing too much because she is cheating, there are ways to tell. She will attempt to have you wear the same cologne or style your hair in the same manner as her secret lover if she is trying to fantasize about him while in bed with you. Look into her eyes during lovemaking and see how she reacts. If she avoids eye contact and seems to be in her own world, she probably is and she isn’t there with you. She will also act considerably different around the guy in question than she did before, especially if they are already having sex and she isn’t just fantasizing. More than likely she is just fantasizing in a healthy and fun way to add a little spice to your love life. Done in the right manner, fantasizing is a normal, healthy part of a human sexual relationship.