Chick flicks are intended to entertain women. Hence the nickname Chick Flick. They really aren’t intended to be repeatable to the general public male persona. See the list of the 30 greatest chick flicks of all time. Those are the ones who must suffer through these movies and try to find some redeemable quality to concentrate on so as not to fall asleep and ruin the date. Usually we men come away from these types of films with certain conceptions of female life and issues. Lies. All lies. Hollywood has force fed us a vile concoction of misconceptions pertaining to the female experience. Women know it’s all make believe but men don’t always get the fantasy connection and come away with a whole construed view of the women we interact with.

Falling Asleep with Her in Your Arms

No. She may fall asleep but it won be for long. You might be able to dose off, especially if you have had a few drinks, but you’ll soon be awake. You will wake in only a few minutes because your arm will fall asleep and it will begin to feel as though you are about to lose it. It will tingle and then go numb and you will be unable to tell if has been gnawed off in your sleep or you’ve been bit by a paralytic spider.

Money Buys Love

Not true. At least not lasting love like these movies try to tell us. Buying an escort for the night won’t have you ending up with the love of your life. Hiring a popular kid to teach you the ropes wont suddenly make her fall in love with the real you. It just doesn’t work that way. Money can buy you a girlfriend and even a wife but it’s not the kind of love you want. It won’t last and everyone will be hurt in the end.

Stalking is adorable and a Sign of True Love

Another big no-no. It’s really weird and can get your butt thrown in jail. Watching chick flicks will tell you to find the girl of your dreams and buy her quirky, unwanted gifts, sit in the parking lot of her workplace and hang out in all the places she does. Watching these movies will have you believing your dream girl will fall hopelessly in love with you after all those nutty moves when in reality she will call the police after the first two wierdo moves.

First Time Sex is Amazing

Not even close. First time sex can be extremely hot and gratifying but perfect it will not be. Someone will pass gas from an unusual orifice. Someone’s knee will not bend in the correct fashion. Someone’s hair will get pulled and her boob will inevitably get stuck under your arm. Go into it knowing that anything can happen and probably will. Know that it won’t be perfect but it will be a lot of fun and you’ll have a great time.

Morning Breath Does Not Exist

Bull crap. Everyone has morning breath. It is physically impossible not to have morning breathe. You would have to wake up at 3 a.m. to brush, floss and use mouth wash. It probably wouldn’t hurt to do it again at 4. Just know that her breath will stink in the morning and so will yours so don’t go in for the big morning hello until you’ve both had a chance to visit the bathroom.

Spooning and Cuddling

Probably not. This one could go either way. If you have a really romantic situation going on or if your both really drunk, she may want to cuddle. Otherwise she’s probably going to want to eat or shower. There are other situations where cuddling may be appropriate but in a casual sex or hookup situation, all you really want to do is sleep and that usually goes for her too.

There’s isn’t anything wrong with enjoying a chick flick with your girl. Just realize that that those movies are all about entertainment. They aren’t documentaries on the human sexual condition. They are make-believe fantasy situations that don’t happen in real life. Use them for what they are meant to be. Use them for a night’s fun or a rainy afternoon pastime. Make sure you aren’t putting so much faith and trust into them that you judge your own relationships and actions against them.

When you realize the fable of these movies you begin to see that you are in fact a pretty good lover. When unencumbered by the façade of the chick flick you can see where your efforts are pretty dang good. Your love life is what you make of it.