In today’s world, there is plenty of shaming for both men and women who seem like they’re getting around a little too much. But even while men tend to inflate their number of sexual partners, most women will massage their real number in order to seem less slutty. The truth is though that we are all sexual, curious creatures and getting around a little shouldn’t even be anyone’s business or any concern as long as the sexual encounters are safe. As long as sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies are avoided, the extra experience of those who get around a little more often can be nothing more than a valuable skillset.

Most Women Will Not Be Honest About It

People tend to lie or misremember when asked about how many sexual partners they’ve had at any given time, which is why Googling how many sexual partners the average person has can be tricky. These numbers are self-reported, and any website or institution that is publishing these statistics has their own agenda that they’re trying to push anyway. For example, some colleges publish data showing that college students today are having less sex than those ten years ago, and often in an attempt to make their university seem more wholesome. Even without political dealings, however, the self-reported nature of personal statistics make them inherently inaccurate; most of us subconsciously report the number we aspire to and not the one that actually reflects our experience.

With all that being said, let’s throw some actual numbers into the mix when we are trying to compare ourselves with our peers. Most sexual institutions and websites state that the average number of sexual partners for those of us below currently 30 years old is steadily decreasing, with the number being about eight partners in our lifetime. In comparison, men and women born in the 1950s and 1960s can expect an average of eleven partners in their lifetime, and about 9 or ten partners for those born in the 1970s and early 1980s. For the sake of simplicity, though, let’s take a look at how these numbers can easily change even just within one demographic. For example, where do you stack up if you’re a thirty-year-old woman today?
 

The Number Varies Greatly From Woman To Woman

If you are currently a woman near thirty years old and want to know where you measure up to your peers, or if you are a guy dating a thirty-year-old woman and want to know how many other men she has most likely been with, then these possibly-inaccurate numbers are unfortunately all you have to go on. Most reliable sources, like sex research institutes at universities and government health studies, will put the average number of sexual partners for a thirty-year-old woman today around five people, although that number seems to vary between two and ten depending on where you look. As unhelpful as that wide distribution is, the numbers can be broken down depending on how you look at the sources.

The first issue with comparing these statistics is the purpose behind the survey. For example, one state health source claims that the average number of sexual partners for a thirty-year-old woman today is closer to fourteen. However, this data was collected at a clinic specializing in treatment and research for sexually transmitted disease. Why does this detail matter? Because that means that the women who reported these numbers were doing so because they were at that clinic to get tested or treated for an STD. It is therefore reasonable that most of these women may be less inhibited when it comes to sex and have slept with more men than your average woman who hasn’t had a sexually transmitted disease.

Sexual Orientation Makes A Difference

Another detail that needs to be addressed when comparing these widely-varied statistics is the nature of the survey itself. For example, most of these surveys do not take into account sexual orientation. Were the women responding to these surveys giving the number of men they’ve slept with, or just the number of sexual partners whether it was a man or another woman? For that matter, who are they considering a sexual partner? It can probably be assumed that some of these women reporting their personal statistics on the matter are only counting people they have had complete vaginal sex with, while others are also included that guy they went to third base with last year and her roommate that she has messed around with a couple times but never actually slept with.

When factors like this are taken into account, it’s easy to see how bias can so easily skew the numbers on how many sexual partners is an average number. If you’re worried about where you measure up compared to your peers, my advice is to not worry about it. Be safe and keep your self-respect, and don’t judge yourself too harshly.